While filling in ethnicity on a survey:
“I’m of Italian descent, or should I put ‘decent Italian’?”

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7 votes

Stella Artois

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4 votes

“Can I ask you a quick question?”
“You just did, son.”

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7 votes

Yeah I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

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4 votes

Dad orders a pizza, when girl said the order back to him she said, “So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?” He looked her dead in the eye and replied, “Yes, I also ordered a pizza.”

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9 votes

“Can I have fifty bucks?”
“Forty dollars?! What on earth do you need thirty dollars for?”

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9 votes

“Well that was nice, what’s for dinner?”

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6 votes

“I’m on a special seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”

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9 votes

“Did you get a haircut?”
“I got them ALL cut!”

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9 votes

“put the kettle on”
“i don’t think it’ll fit”

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8 votes